Ask Manfred

Brea writes:
How far should I go in Grade 9 with a boy?
Manfred:
At your age my dear, you should only be going as far as the the classroom door.

Parveen writes:
I cheated on my girlfriend. She has decided to give me one last chance, but how can I get her to trust me again?
Manfred:
Well Parveen, not cheating on her again would be a bloody good start. You’re just gonna have to ride this one out I’m afraid, if you behave yourself she will trust […]

Footie Girl writes:
How old is David Beckham?
Manfred:
Well my dear, England’s very own girly midfield stalwart was born on the 2nd of May 1975, so I’ll let you work it out.

Joe writes:
Whats the funniest thing to say to a girl that can make her laugh?
Manfred:
Well Joe, actions speak louder than words, so show them your ‘little fellow’. Ignore me, I jest, use a cheesy chat-up line such as, “Is that a ladder in your tights or is it a stairway to heaven”. If you use […]

Princess Angel writes:
Will I ever let George Davis know how I really feel about him and will we ever have sex?
Manfred:
Have you got me confused with a fucking Magic 8-ball? Sorry Princess, all signs point to ‘no’ unless you actually let George know how you feel. The answer to your second question really depends on […]

P James Herington writes:
I have been divorced over a year now, and I sometimes find myself tongue tied when asking someone out for a date. What do you suggest as a strategy? I’m a decent looking guy, but I don’t know the right words.
Manfred:
Well, in these situations, maybe the phrase, “Would you like to go […]

Alison writes:
Do you think that I am pregnant?
Manfred:
Well Alison, why not answer these questions and find out! Is your belly getting round? Have you had a spot of horizontal Tango recently? Are you developing a healthy glow? If you’ve answered ‘Yes’ to the above questions, then well done, you’ll be dropping a sprog shortly. Though […]

Vic writes:
There is no way to get rid of a hickey.
Manfred:
This is Ask Manfred, Vic, not Tell Manfred. But alas, you are mistaken, for good old fashioned ‘leaving it over time’ will cure that nasty flesh wound. Failing that, paint a brown patch over your neck and call it a birthmark.

Kate writes:
Is Liz an idiot?
Manfred:
Kate. Dear, dear Kate. Who the fuck is Liz? Why is it that you think she is the idiot? Maybe she’s the normal one.

Jason writes:
What’s the best position for dry sex, for the most pleasure?
Manfred:
Well Jason, probably a bed, or similar soft surface. Remember, the best job, is a comfortable job.